What to expect…

When seeing a fertility specialist.

Again, everyone’s experience is different, but there are usually some overarching similarities in this kind of experience. Here are some things to bear in mind when you start seeing a fertility specialist:

Lots of visits

Initially, you will have an “evaluation cycle”. You go through a bunch of tests as simple as bloodwork and as invasive as dye being injected up your fallopian tubes (that one was a stinger!) You will need to call the office on the first day of your cycle, and go in frequently for bloodwork and ultrasounds, then a variety of other tests. I think at the beginning of my experience, I was going in multiple times a week for bloodwork, and if you proceed with fertility treatments, then there will be plenty more. Thankfully the testing can be done early in the morning so it doesn’t interrupt work.

Need to be Patient 

I thought when we sent to see the doctor first in October that they’d find out the problem and that I’d have a month of tests, then a month of working to get my eggs fertilized. Not that simple. April rolled around, and I was still in the waiting. Granted, there have been circumstances that may not apply to everyone: insurance held up the approval of services, the doctor recommended waiting a month to do a frozen transfer instead of a fresh one, a worldwide pandemic caused shut downs in non-essential procedures, but I think it’s important mentally to prepare yourself for a wait nonetheless. 

Lack of “answers”

There could be nothing wrong that tests pick up on. You may still be left wondering why things just don’t work. Dave and I were told that there was nothing that they could see. However, the doctor told us that the issue was likely something minute that these tests couldn’t catch. Not being able to know “why” you can’t get pregnant makes getting pregnant even more difficult, since you don’t know exactly what to fix. On the contrary, you could be given answers that could explain your infertility.

It might not work the first time

I was fortunate enough to have a relative who said she wished she had known before starting IVF that it was not a guarantee. It had been presented to her as something that you do and it just works. I was glad to be able to go into the experience with realistic expectations that it might not work (but high hopes that it would!) Whatever treatment you try, please know that nothing is guaranteed. My first IVF transfer did work, but ten weeks in, there was no heartbeat. Sadly there was a genetic issue with the embryo. This is another thing that you don’t think about. Once you’ve received the phone call saying you’re pregnant, once you’ve seen the heartbeat at the 8 week ultrasound, once you’ve shared the news with your immediate family, you don’t think that things will go awry. But it is possible.

While you cannot control the wait time, you can control who you become during the wait

This is something I learned most recently. While you can eat healthily, exercise, take your meds, rest, sleep, engage in stress-lowering activities, you cannot control what happens in regards to your getting pregnant. You cannot control the time frame on things. You may think “this month is the month”, but there are so many uncontrollable variables, that it may not be. For me, thinking that I was in control, or even attempting to take things in to my control was something that ended in disappointment. I am currently waiting to see a new doctor and I’m preparing for additional wait time. It has been important to me to use this experience for good, to avoid being the victim, and to instead become the victor.