The Birth Story

November 22nd

I went to the office for a morning appointment and received the regular ultrasound and monitoring. By this point, the little one was measuring so far ahead we were at the watermelon stage! I had no idea that babies could open their eyes in the womb, but saw that happen along with a cute smile! 

I told the nurse that the pharmacy explained they could not fill the heparin as there was a shortage, so I only had enough to last me one more day. The nurse said “well you may not need it at this point, as Dr. V mentioned that he’d been doing some research and he may induce you today”. My liver enzyme levels were still very high and itching/other symptoms still present. They do not like to leave it too late to deliver when this is the case as risks increase (preterm delivery, meconium staining of amniotic fluid, respiratory distress, fetal distress, and stillbirth).

I was in shock. We had our plan of November 29th (which was already 3 weeks earlier than planned) and that was what we were counting on. It’s funny how often we make plans and they just don’t happen as we’d thought. The nurse told me to go home, pack a bag, and wait for a call from the doctor. Our December 19th due date was completely out the window!

I texted Dave as he was at work, and I wanted to get him on the phone to tell him (and I knew his reaction would be fun). No response. I called him on my way home to tell him that today could be the day we go in. He said “wow. Ok. what does this mean?” I told him it would be nice if he could leave work and come home since we could get a call to go to the hospital anytime. Clearly he was in the presence of some coworkers as he played it very cool. He said he’d tie things up and head home. 

I got his true reaction when he called me after he left school and exclaimed in a high pitched voice *%#$ this is wild. ABSOLUTELY WILD. I never got my hair cut”. Got to love his priorities. He will have messy hair in all of our baby’s pictures. Dave had planned to use the day before Thanksgiving as a “Day of Dave” - he had his annual physical scheduled, a haircut, a trip to the golf course/driving range, and some overall relaxation. It sounded like a great day, but that all went out the window!

I finished up some work and Dave made sure the car was packed. We twiddled our thumbs a bit while we waited for an update. We cancelled our dinner plans at Dave’s brother’s. After all that, it got to 7pm and we had heard nothing. We ended up calling L&D directly at 8pm. Dave did the talking and was told to head in around 10pm. He managed to talk the woman in to letting us come at 9pm, and so we tried to relax for the hour before we left. We did get some great quality time/snuggles with Winston.

Winston had no idea that this was the last time we’d be snuggling as a family of three!

We arrived at Stamford Hospital around 9pm with plenty of bags (our friends recommended packing our own pillows and blankets which took up a lot of room, and we had snacks to last us for days). We definitely looked like we were moving in, but at that point, we didn’t care. L&D were ready for us and had all the information they needed on hand. Dave charmed the nurse who walked us to our room and she agreed to come visit and help herself to a snack from our stash!

We walked down the familiar halls and ended up in the room next to the one we previously stayed in for our “dry run” two weeks ago. The room was very spacious and we met with a familiar doctor who had seen me the last time we were in. They got me all set up and checked, then told me the plan: I’d receive cervidil vaginally to get my cervix to soften, or as they put it, “ripen”, tonight. They’d leave it in for 12 hours, and take it out around 11/11:30am the next morning. After that, they’d start me on pitocin to induce contractions and then we’d take it from there.

The doctor inserted the medication and then we “slept” for the night. I say that loosely. Dave slept pretty well. He woke up the next morning and said “you’re gonna have to fill me in because I don’t remember much from 9:45pm onwards”. Meanwhile, I’d had the medication administered, checks every 2 hours, and I met with the doctor while Dave was sleeping. Dr. V came in and asked me if I’d received the medication and I said “yes”. Dave then half asleep said “I don’t remember that happening” and before I could get the sentence out of my mouth in reply, he was snoring again. It definitely gave Dr V. a laugh! The following night he was gassy in his sleep and I had to apologize to the nurses who were in and out, especially once when the volume was embarrassingly loud.

That next morning they checked and I was 1.5cm dilated. I was not thrilled as I knew I needed to get to 10cm. They started the pitocin via IV at 12:30pm and said they could turn it up or down as needed, but would see how my body responded. I asked the nurse taking care of me if she could give us some tips for the day and dealing with contractions/laboring etc. She mentioned that in her experience, a lot of women like to sit on birthing balls, some will stand and walk around a little, and others benefit from raising the bed up high and standing bent over with elbows on a pillow on the bed (I have taken hundreds of selfies with Dave sleeping over the course of our marriage, and Dave got to take a couple of selfies with me in labor as payback - one shared below for your viewing pleasure). 

After updating our families on the situation, I got my thank you cards out (I had lots to write after my baby shower as people spoiled us), sat down on the birthing ball, and got one sentence written before I felt warm liquid gushing out of me and all over the birthing ball onto the floor. I said to Dave “I literally just used the bathroom but feel like I’m peeing myself, but this can’t be pee. I think my waters might have broken”. He said “looks like it”! He hit the red button to call the nurse - something he’d gotten very good at. In less than a minute, we had two nurses coming in with bootie covers over their feet. It made me think they were dramatically expecting to wade through the waters but apparently they were on their way to a C-section!

The nurses had me stand up, at which point more liquid started gushing out. They confirmed this was my water breaking and then told me that the movies often make it look as though it’s one big gush, but ordinarily it is continuous gushes that don’t stop until I give birth. Sure enough, I kept feeling gushes throughout the afternoon. I also started to feel contractions, and they came on immediately and strongly. The machine I was hooked up to showed that the contractions were lasting about 30 seconds to a minute, and there was only a minute between them. I asked if this was normal because it seemed kind of intense. The nurse said no and that they were going to stop the pitocin now and see how my body did by itself. The contractions continued to last for 30-60 seconds and they spaced 1-3 minutes apart, so it was a slight relief. 

I had told the nurse my goal was to go natural for as long as I could. I’d love to have been able to do the whole thing without an epidural, but after 5 hours of contractions that were so frequent, I requested an epidural. I knew it would take a while from the time I requested it, so didn’t want to wait much longer. They had the anesthesiologist come to my room and he had me sit up on the edge of the bed and arch my back downwards, hunching my shoulders as much as I could. I felt a slight pinching as he did his thing, then was told that instead of pain, I should feel more pressure.

To me, it did not feel hugely different, but I thought maybe it was marginally better.  

I’ve decided to let Dave chime in on the story at this point, since I was in pain and don’t remember details clearly, plus it’s about time you heard something from his perspective!

Bec has never been someone who says something is wrong, she is very English about it and instead of asking questions or explaining her concern, she persists through the situation. This time it was no different. After the first epidural, the nurses continually came in to check and see how she was doing, and she would say, “I think it’s better, yeah, it’s more manageable.” Until finally they came in during a pretty intense contraction and while they were asking her and she was explaining that she thinks it’s better, they said, you should not be in pain. To Bec’s reply, “Oh, then I don’t think it’s working”. 

Dr. V came in to check how we are doing and heard about the epidural, then said, “I’ll send someone in to meet with you.” Shortly thereafter, a new anesthesiologist came in and asked if we received a bolus booster yet. We said that we had not, and he explained that since Bec was still in pain, he would recommend to first receive a bolus booster, which would hopefully cause the pain to subside. If it did not work, then he said the epidural may not be in the correct location and we would have to do another one. He said he would give her the bolus and then go to do a c section, but would check in after. 

A few hours later, he came back, and we explained that the bolus didn’t do anything and he said then let’s do another epidural. This time I got to watch as Bec got the epidural taken out and the new one put in. As the doctor was putting in the new epidural he explained the process and at the end as he was pulling out the needle he made eye contact with me, and I could tell something was wrong. He explained that as he was taking out the needle, the epidural he just placed came out with it and would have to do it again. Third time's the charm, and at 9:00 pm, Bec had her epidural in place. It was amazing as I could literally see the relief come over her face and as the pain turned into pressure, after 8 hours of battling through frequent contractions.

It’s Rebecca again! I went to sleep under the magic of the epidural and used a peanut ball between my legs to help me dilate. The doctor came to check my cervix every few hours, and unfortunately, it was not moving past the 3cm mark from 9pm-2am. At 4am, Dr. V came in and said that if I did not continue to dilate, then they would need to do a c-section. I remember saying “just do the c-section, I don’t mind”. He said we’d wait and see, and Dave reminded me that we wanted to avoid a c-section as the recovery can be very challenging, plus my goal (when I was of sound mind) was to push this baby out myself!

They came in at 5am and all of a sudden I was at 6cm! Dr. V said we’d see where I was at 8am and then make the decision, but it looked like I’d be able to do this without needing a c-section. The nurse who came in at shift change said “Good morning, I’m Emily your nurse for the day and this is an exciting day: I’m gonna help you have a baby!” Emily was great - positive, reassuring, knowledgeable, thoughtful, and helpful. Everything we could want in someone for this moment.

I told Dave around 8am that I was feeling like the baby’s head was “right there”. I could feel pressure especially when I had contractions. When we reported this, Emily said to let them know when the pressure was constant because my water had broken and I was at risk for infection, so they didn’t want to check more often than needed. At 8:15am Dave hit the red nurse call button again and reported that the pressure was constant. At 8:30am Dr. V came in to check my cervix. Of course at this time I felt as if the pressure had subsided and told them I felt bad, but I actually didn’t feel constant pressure anymore so maybe they shouldn’t check me. Dr. V said he was just going to take a quick look.

I knew as he did his check that he was not going in very far and that baby’s head must be closer to earth-side. Sure enough, he said “that’s baby’s head. You’re 10cm dilated, it’s time to start pushing!”

This just got real! How exciting.

I had no idea how to push a baby out.

Dave’s breakfast had just arrived - he was so excited for his blueberry pancakes and asked if he could squeeze in a bite before we got going. I remember looking at him with eyes that conveyed “are you serious right now?”

Our nurse, Emily, was our guide, coach, and encourager. She explained that this would be a team effort. Each time I felt a contraction, I was going to push. And I would push three times. I had to take a deep breath in, push without exhaling for as long and hard as I could, then exhale, and repeat times two until the next contraction. Dave put his hand behind my head and tilted me up, then with his other hand took my left leg and lifted it up (after a bite of pancake), and Emily took my right leg (since I was unable to move them thanks to the third-time’s-a-charm-epidural).

Emily explained that it can be discouraging as it’s two steps forward, one step back when you’re pushing like this, since the baby's head comes out but then retreats between contractions. I was glad to know that ahead of time so that I wouldn’t feel discouraged while pushing. I asked how long the pushing usually takes, and she said anywhere from 2-5 hours for first time moms is pretty normal. I remember thinking “I am NOT doing this for 5 hours”. 

So each time I felt a contraction, which was less than every 3 minutes, I’d call Dave/Emily over and they’d hold my legs and I’d push. Poor Dave eventually just abandoned his breakfast as there really was no time to eat since the contractions were so close together. By the time I’d done my three pushes, there were only seconds before the next contraction hit. 

Emily was the best encourager and she gave me tips throughout - she told me to push upward and as if I’m having a bowel movement. The third push she said “that was PERFECT. Best push yet. I don’t know what you did, but keep doing it! I informed her that I simply thought “I can’t wait to meet this baby. I’m going to push so hard so I can see it as soon as possible!”

Dave needs a shout out here because even Emily said he was the best support she’d seen and that he could be an example to others. He constantly asked me what I needed between pushes. He made sure my hair was out of my face, he held my head during pushes, he gave me ice chips between pushes, and was overall just positive and encouraging. I could not ask for a better support! Speaking of, let’s hear from him again…

After about 30 minutes of pushing, I got curious and decided to peek over to see what everything looked like, and I could see the top of the baby’s head slowly protruding from Bec, and then going back in after the contraction. Then Emily asked Bec, do you want to feel your baby’s head, and took Bec’s hand. This really motivated Bec to continue pushing as she felt she was so close. 

Me again…I’m sure some people would not want to feel the crazy sensation of a head protruding out of them, but for me it was amazing. It was physical confirmation that this baby was so close to being earth-side and inspired me to keep going. I do recommend it as it helps to prove that you are capable of pushing and give you the push (pun intended) to keep going. Ok, back to Dave…

At 9:05 a few more nurses came in, until that point it was Emily, Bec, and me. Emily looked at one of the nurses and said, did you call Dr. V? Quickly, Dr. V was called and took over, he came in to the James Bond theme song, followed by Jamie Cullum’s Christmas album. Dr. V said, “we are almost there”, and explained a couple more big pushes. Two pushes later, and Dr. V looked at me and said, “Dave, what’s the gender?” To my wobbly, shaken reply, “It’s a girl!” 

I was aware of 4 people who thought this baby would be a girl. Everyone else thought it was a boy (and if I were a betting woman, I’d have guessed boy as well!) Having a girl was such a pleasant surprise, especially since we knew a girl cousin was due in January.

The time was 9:15am. Hard to think just an hour ago we didn’t even know she was 10cm dilated. Dr. V immediately had our baby girl placed on Bec’s chest and I snagged a photo, carefully ensuring that Bec looked good too. They asked if we had a name, and we looked at each other and I said “Are we going with Phoebe?”. Bec said “Yeah! Phoebe Ruth”. After a little time passed, Dr. V had me come over to cut the cord, which felt kind of like cutting through pork gristle with dull scissors. Then Dr. V explained that we need to still get the placenta out and Bec will need one more push. 

The nurses took the baby to weigh her and run some tests while Bec began pushing out the placenta. I looked and the umbilical cord continued to come out, but at the end of it was not anything that resembled a placenta. Dr. V said that the placenta had broken apart, which we later found out was due to the subchorionic hematoma. 

I went over and checked in on Phoebe Ruth! She was 6 lbs 13 ounces and 20 inches long, and while considered a preemie, did not look like one. A minute later, I looked back and was in a bit of shock as blood was everywhere. The nurses who were around Phoebe explained they were going to take her up to the nursery. I think they realized there were some complications with Bec, which made me turn around. When I looked, I saw there were ten people around Bec, and Dr. V said in a calm voice, “she is beginning to hemorrhage, we need two packs of blood.” 

At this point, Bec was quite pale, and did not look like her previously glowing self. Her eyes were heavy and her body was limp. I stood in the back of the room in shock as I was unsure of what was going on, but all I did see was blood everywhere. Bec says she remembers doctors coming and explaining what they were doing (giving her a variety of meds and blood), and she recalls how the team worked very well together and communicated clearly, although she sensed that the situation was a challenge for them.

A nurse asked me if I needed anything or if I should sit down, and I didn’t really know how to respond as I felt like if I said anything or did anything I would break down and become a bigger distraction, when all the attention needed to be on Bec. Honestly, I don’t remember how I responded and Dr. V told me two days later when he checked in on us, but I don’t even remember that. 

Slowly, Dr. V was getting the placenta out of Bec, it looked unbelievably uncomfortable as one person was pressing on her stomach, another was conducting an ultrasound, and he was elbow deep extracting tissue. After 10 or so minutes, a few nurses left, and then I went over next to Bec to check in on her. 

Dave doesn’t remember this, but when he came over, he immediately calmed me down. He helped me to breathe slowly and relax my very tense body.

Dr. V continued to do his work, and a few more nurses left. Eventually, the placenta was out, and everything was weighed. Dr. V said that Bec lost around 2230 ccs of blood, over double of a normal pregnancy. He also explained that he had expected the placenta to be a bit of a nuisance as the subchorionic hematoma had acted like glue to connect the placenta and uterus, which is one of the reasons why it broke apart. As he was leaving I asked him if we should consider this another D&C, and he said that it would be. So, after 45 minutes of pushing (Bec was a quick one with that) and about 60 minutes of getting the placenta out, it was just Bec and myself as Phoebe was still in the nursery, or so we thought.

Shortly after Dr. V left, a neonatologist came down to visit us. He explained that Phoebe’s breathing was rapid and that her blood sugar was off, so she had been moved to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) in order to properly monitor her, although he didn’t anticipate the length of stay to be very long. While we were warned that preemies can end up in the NICU, this came as a shock to us because Phoebe had passed all the newborn tests with flying colors. Bec was still in recovery, so I followed him up to the NICU to check in on her. I was able to see Phoebe and speak with the nurse who was taking care of her. After a little bit of time, I went back down to check in on Bec, who was doing so much better than just a few hours before. She explained that her acid reflux had gone away and the itchiness had subsided. 

Yay for pregnancy symptoms disappearing! The recovery from giving birth was not easy. Those first few days were filled with tear-inducing pain as I tried to get out of bed with two IVs in my hands that I couldn’t bend to give me support when sitting up. My abs were shot and I won’t even get in to how painful it was simply sitting up. Thankfully the nurse who took care of me that first night was the most caring person. She checked in every 2-3 hours and talked me through what to expect as well as physically helped me all night. I am so grateful for her. 

BEFORE (Right as I was told it’s time to push)

AFTER: Sweet baby girl Phoebe Ruth brought joy and relief

We spent Thanksgiving Day in the hospital with our baby girl, a fitting celebration as we were so so thankful for her. We were able to enjoy a three course “celebratory birth meal”. Dave had filet mignon and I enjoyed a cheesy ravioli dish (something I had to avoid during pregnancy). That evening, our friends Chuck and Ruth* (see below for more info on the name Ruth) kindly brought us a plethora of homemade thanksgiving desserts which we devoured in our recovery room.

We were quite impressed with our celebratory meal!

The story behind the name:

Phoebe means “radiant, bright, pure” and we felt like she was very much the light at the end of a long tunnel for our journey. We have lost 3 pregnancies and 4 babies, had 5 D&C procedures, endured IVF, injections, a subchorionic hematoma, bedrest, cholestasis, and countless other challenges. We wanted the name of our child to honor the journey we had to get her. Phoebe was a trusted woman in the Bible (Romans 16:1-2). Phoebe is a name that we apply to past, present, and future. She was our light in dark times, as we held on to hope that we would one day be able to have a child. We currently see her beauty and she brightens our lives. We have high hopes that she will be a light to others in her life as she has already been to us. We also have no regrets that people may think of the fun Phoebe Buffay when they hear her name!

Ruth is one of a few names we considered for a baby girl and we decided it was suitable for Phoebe’s middle name for three reasons: 1) My mother’s middle name is Ruth, 2) My middle name is Naomi and we love the Biblical friendship of Ruth and Naomi - I encourage you to read the book of Ruth if you haven’t, 3) We have a dear friend called Ruth who spent long days taking care of Rebecca and our unborn child. She has been very invested in our journey and prayed daily for us and our child over the last many years. We hope to honor her and my mother in this name along with acknowledging the Biblical example of friendship that God gives us through Ruth and Naomi.

This. This is the INCREDIBLE Dr. V. He welcomed us into his practice and guided us through some of the most stressful moments of our pregnancy and delivered precious Phoebe Ruth safely! We are deeply grateful for him…and his wife

Dr. V’s wife, Nurse Shirley. She came to check on us once Phoebe was born. She never failed to answer all of our questions on a weekly basis and is another amazing human being.

Each day has gotten easier, and each day my respect for mothers everywhere increases. I have enjoyed sharing my journey with you all and appreciate those of you who’ve stuck by us, written to us, prayed for us, and read along through my wordy reports. I may share some details of Phoebe’s journey with you soon since I believe the lessons we learned through her challenges may be able to help others, but I figure you’ve read enough of my ramblings for now. The adventure continues and the best is yet to come!