Pregnancy can be a nerve wracking experience no matter who you are. However, once you’ve been through a miscarriage, there are some very real fears that lie close to home. It can be especially difficult when you already suffer from anxiety issues. Below are some tips I came up with as I steered through the first trimester of my post-miscarriage pregnancy.

1. Remember there’s more to life than being pregnant

Trying to conceive can be all-consuming. Once you finally get that positive pregnancy test, it’s easy to get caught up in reading articles, analyzing symptoms, thinking about the future, counting the months/weeks/days and letting yourself think about pregnancy all the waking hours. I found myself falling into this trap early on, but managed to turn my focus on to other things. It helped me to be working and focusing on accomplishing tasks. We planned a birthday party for my nephew, focused on some home projects, and spent time without our phones. 

2. Rest

It’s important to rest. My body started letting me know when it needed to rest. At these times, I would sit down or lie down and take a rest. I would pray for my future child until I fell asleep. I woke up when my body naturally did, then got on with the day. Rest doesn’t just apply to the body. I found it very important to rest my mind. This meant putting my phone down, clearing my mind, and consciously focusing for periods of time on my breathing. There are some helpful meditation apps or YouTube videos that guide you to breathe which helps slow your mind and your body down. It could also mean picking up a book, and immersing your mind in something new. Because I rested, when I found out that I had miscarried, I wasn’t left questioning “Did I push myself too hard?”

3. Confide in a close friend

Friends are in your life for seasons. Some remain in your lives for years or even decades, and others are for a shorter time. But friends help you through seasons of your life for a reason. I told a friend early on who was able to pray for me, check in on me, and make me feel like I wasn’t going through it alone. It helps to have someone other than your husband to text, talk to, and go through this with. It also helps to be praying for your friends to keep your focus on others.

4. Do not analyze symptoms or bloodwork

I was quick to start overanalyzing things. Going through IVF, you get a lot more blood drawn and ultrasounds conducted than you would ordinarily. At 5 weeks, my progesterone levels dropped. I asked the nurse about my bloodwork, and she gave sound reasoning as to why things could look that way and explained that it was nothing they were concerned about. I decided to trust the nurse. My reasoning was this: 1) If the doctor was right, then I would waste an entire week stressing out that I was miscarrying and do no good to myself or to the baby. 2) If the doctor was wrong, then I’d be worrying about something that I couldn’t change. I’d rather remain positive than expect the worst. Sure enough, my levels rose up as they should for the following 3 appointments.

5. Refrain from searching online

In case you couldn’t tell from my previous posts, looking online can lead you down a rabbit hole. This “tip” is one that I failed to follow many times. You can find some very concerning things online that will increase your anxiety and may not even apply to you. There is so much literature out there regarding pregnancy, symptoms, struggles, miscarriages, and your mental state will likely be healthier if you refrain from going down that path.

6. Do not worry about the what could be

How many of the things you worry about never actually happen? It is easy to worry about whether your baby will survive the womb, whether it’ll be healthy, whether you will be healthy. For me, I was worried about making it through the first trimester. A wise friend told me that we can worry about our children for the rest of their lives if we let ourselves. This helped put things in perspective for me. We can either fear the worst, or enjoy living in the moment. Worrying is not healthy for our minds or our bodies. I was able to enjoy pregnancy and acknowledge that I can live responsibly to provide a safe growing environment for my child. Some children do not make it to birth, but that does not mean that you can’t or shouldn’t enjoy the time that you do have them.

7. Pray

Don’t forget that God is the giver of all good things. Praise Him for this gift. Ask Him for protection, comfort, and peace. Thank Him for all of the blessings you have, starting with your pregnancy, but continuing with everything else. For me, this included things like my kind husband, my loving dog, my home, my job, the weather, flowers blooming, friendships, cups of tea, songs that encouraged me, and the peace that I was able to experience. Dedicate this unborn child to God. Cast your cares on Him because He cares for you. God wants to take our burdens so we are not weighed down by them. It doesn’t mean that God will fix all of our problems, but that we don’t have to feel the heaviness of them.